Turning myself I slump onto the bed, an isolated island in the sea of my own misery and my head hangs heavily in my hands. Tears spring unbidden to the corners of my eyes as a mist descends in equal measure to spread my humiliation and depression, an echo of life as it is now and not as it was then. Black patent heels appear blurredly before me and I linger on the blood red painted toe nails that peer aggressively from the front opening of the shoe. No stocking this time hides the glow of warm flesh as it rises before me, shaping calves that twitch as toned muscles perform an intricate ballet as they carry this vision before me. Further still and my eyes wander upwards as a wave of passion rushes over me and once more I look upon leather clad thighs, soft sheen of tanned power, graceful and delicate in equal measure. I reach and my fingers caress those plaited folds and then slip inexorably inwards to rest upon the satin covering that hides a moistness that can no longer be. He tried to think of a joke, a line, something to stop this feeling of inadequacy that was fighting its way up his throat from the knot in his stomach. Nothing came to mind and he stood, staring at her silently. She turned and smiled at him. It was the first genuine smile that he had seen on her face. No artifice. It was beautiful and it hit him right below the diaphragm, making it almost impossible to breathe. ‘This is going to be something when it’s done.’ She set the pizza down on the old, lumpy couch and stepped over a pile of boards to look out one of the windows he had replaced. His backyard was small, backing up to state land that was wooded and dark. He had done some landscaping this spring, not sure if what he had done was right or not but liking the way it looked when he was finished. ‘You need a swing out there, right by the arbor.’ ‘It’s on back order.’ Was that his voice? It sounded strange to his ears. She turned from the window and looked around at the vaulted.
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